did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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