Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
