His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
