Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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