Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
