Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize