Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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