Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
