she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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