if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
