There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
