Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
