if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
