You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
