Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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