1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
