remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
