goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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