Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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