:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
