Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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