you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Randomize
