I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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