I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
