This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
