Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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