it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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