I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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