just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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