wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
