I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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