Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
