Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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