FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
