i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There r osticjed everywhere
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
