Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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