last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize