your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
