Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
