The maid of honor just puked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
