Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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