and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize