dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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