hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
