puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
