you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
