Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
