you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
