they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize