Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
