I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
