TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
