I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
