she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
