She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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