Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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