i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
