a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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