Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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