i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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