I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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