Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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