fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
