You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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