Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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