Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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