I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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