Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
