i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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