I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
