pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
