Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone shit on the floor
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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