I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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