coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
