If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize