Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
