did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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