Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
